


Prophet Margin III

by Daegaer



Series: Prophet Margin [3]
Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angels, Bears, Collection: Purimgifts Extras, Demons, Divine wrath, Gen, Nevi'im | Prophets (Tanakh), Prophets, Treat, Wild animals, iron age Israel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:22:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23040028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daegaer/pseuds/Daegaer
Summary: Aziraphale and Crowley deal with an Israelite prophet.
Series: Prophet Margin [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1674703
Comments: 10
Kudos: 26
Collections: Purimgifts 2020





	Prophet Margin III

**Author's Note:**

  * For [opalmatrix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/opalmatrix/gifts).



Crowley didn't take pleasure in the demise of any human, even when they had been a right royal thorn in his side, foot or posterior. He always figured he just had to wait for fifty years and he'd have forgotten what he'd been so irritated about. All the same, he couldn't deny that it was quite pleasant that Elijah the Tishbite wasn't around any more to be a massive party pooper. True, he'd managed to be a party pooper to the very end, what with being taken up to heaven alive in a chariot of fire, but that was the sort of thing that would eventually become no more than a fairy tale in human minds. Honestly, he thought, what did heaven even _want_ with the guy? He was probably wandering round up there right now, complaining that white samite robes were too luxurious, and did the seraphim _really_ need all those wings? Wait until he saw what was under them, that was all Crowley had to say on the topic.

All in all it was just as well that Crowley only had to deal with the man's hopeless student. He couldn't be half as irritating.

It was with this thought cheerfully in mind that he went to check on the royal temple at Bethel, just to make sure that the golden calf there was still shiny enough. He had done his official duties for the century and was strolling south towards Judah to see if he could find Aziraphale for a quick bath or two of wine when he heard the welcome sound of modern young people disrespecting their elders.

 _Well, well_ , he thought as he saw a gang of young men and boys jeering at a tall, thin man with unfortunate premature hair loss. _If it isn't Elisha ben Shaphat in the unprepossessing flesh_.

"Get out of here, you slaphead!" one pimply-faced youth yelled, throwing a lump of donkey turd with an accuracy that would have been much appreciated if he had been born a few millennia later in an area that appreciated baseball. His friends laughed even harder and showered Elisha and his companions with droppings from a range of herbivores. Crowley narrowed his eyes at the way that one of the men was miraculously missed by every single turd, and the one that looked like it might shower him with small pieces after it broke apart in mid-air simply combusted in a swift burst of flame.

"Aziraphale, what _are_ you doing?" he yelled.

"What does it look like?" Aziraphale said, making himself invisible and ducking out of the fray. "Ugh. Human _juveniles_."

"Juve- _viles_ ," Crowley agreed.

They froze as Elisha's stock of dignified silence ran out and he turned around and started swearing like a particularly annoyed ostracized Greek. Two enormous bears rushed out of the woods and chased the screaming boys away, wreaking gore-filled havoc on any they caught.

"That'll teach you to respect a fucking prophet of the Lord!" Elisha yelled after them, smoothed down what remained of his hair and walked with dignity towards the gates of Bethel.

"Those were grizzlies," Crowley said.

"Yes," Aziraphale agreed.

"Not exactly a native species."

"No."

"You've got to stop handing out access codes to the humans, Aziraphale."

"That was all him," Aziraphale said. He looked up guiltily. "And, er, presumably –" He pointed Up.

There was an embarrassed silence.

"So," Aziraphale said brightly, "How about a drink?"

"Oh," Crowley said, " - And I don't say this lightly - dear God, yes."

They strolled down the road, keeping the conversation off the flora and fauna and _firmly_ on what wines they planned to drink.

[source](https://derekzrishmawy.com/2015/12/05/really-elisha-bears-attacking-children-this-is-why-we-cant-have-nice-things/) [source](https://twitter.com/proffrancesca/status/725957023070720000)

Images of alleged bears in bad moods.


End file.
